Why Coming out is only improved by Coming Clean

The coming our party continues; Hollywood heavyweights, who are admitting, or maybe just acknowledging their inappropriate sexual behavior and in some cases paying millions in financial damages. The list grows long with those who we have previously watched, laughed at, read, or enjoyed on film. (Think Bill O’Riley)

To begin with, lets acknowledge that the perpetrators of the abuse face the loss of a career, a livelihood, a reputation and at the worst will face prison time, and in some cases, life in prison. Add to this the struggles, that those experiencing the ruin must face; family disintegration, guilt, and isolation just to name a few. I’m not dismissing these as unnecessary or unwarranted, only acknowledging their consequential effect. And equally true is the reality that this behavior is not now or has it ever been limited to the world outside the church of Jesus Christ, but in fact, has found itself in the church, and in some cases, being perpetuated by the church. The Apostle Paul in fact, condemned such immoral behavior in the lives of his errant church at Corinth, and remarked that such things are not even done among the Gentiles ( I Corinthians 6).

But I find one particular aspect of this immoral behavior especially troubling. Marital infidelity brings God’s judgment upon the lives of those directly involved, bruises the lives of those in the families involved, and stains the work of the church, often impeding it in the execution of its work. This includes, affairs, fornication among those not married, and incest, just to name a few. Most of us know at least one person, probably more, who are left trying to pick up the pieces of their life, their journey flooded with the tears of marital failure or familial abuse. But particular to this age and growing in acceptability as our culture lurches toward paganism, is the perversions that are becoming mainstream; homosexuality, lesbianism, and perversions visited upon young children by the adults that are supposed to protect them. The Apostle Paul labeled this as perversion, said this form of depravity is against nature, and commended God’s judgment upon its presence and practice (Romans 1).

And what of the damage? How do we effectively rescue the victims, the children and the spouses, who have honestly tried to address the sins in their loved ones; the horror the event or events, and the new reality of life alone, the potential of financial ruin, and the ongoing emotional shipwreck they experience? I have ministered to these people; I know of their desire to see their marriage and family restored, and have witnessed their resolve at the outset of the “news” and their eventual resolution that repentance and restoration will likely not come.

So, because at least one person has said to me over the years, “ I looked for something that might offer me some counsel but found nothing”, I offer these observations as a “jumping off point” in the larger discussion that should follow:

1. All of us must recognize the potential depth of our own depravity. We are all hopelessly wicked, depraved, and possess the fallen nature that was inherited from our first parents. None of us are immune.

2. We must recognize that our only future hope is in Jesus’ finished work of Grace on Calvary; that our only present hope is the practice of a life given over to the cultivation of godliness and intimacy with the God who loves us, the Savior who strengthens us, and the Holy Spirit who intercedes for us.

3. We must walk with one another ( guess what, that’s what the church was made for), and come regularly before God and trusted friends where our lives can be opened to examination. Remember Plato, “An unexamined life is not worth living…”

4. And, in the interest of the integrity of the biblical message, we should seek to offer counsel that is biblically sound, principally, derived, and balanced in perspective, realizing that while the culture may change and the applications over time evolve, God’s principles are timeless. That your favorite preacher said, …. should not matter to you nearly as much as what you have derived as you rightly divided the truth.

And finally, know this, that there are no easy answers, no sweeping truth that fits all situations, and no winners here; only the reality that we are all vulnerable to sin, all needful of cleansing grace, and all benefit when God gets the ultimate victory in restoration.

MJC