Or… Taking the venom out of toxic people
For the last ten years or so, I have been privileged to serve on the faculty of a small local college, where I spend time with young men and women who are seeking God’s best for their lives. My job in part is to help them learn to navigate their lives in real time and integrate their faith in Jesus Christ with a world that is increasingly secular. And all of this got me thinking recently– just what is involved in staying sharp, engaged, and moving forward when all around you the world of difficult, even hurtful people lie ready to cause you harm? Being a professor and a pastor, I know something about this, and I therefore I think that the Bible can help us here; in this case as perceived through the eyes of David. No, not David Letterman, though the beard puts him in the right century. No, I was thinking of the David who though pulled from no-where”s-ville and the sheepfold, would eventually be king over the entire nation of Israel. But before he could assume his throne, there were hurdles to be negotiated and hateful people to survive. While the narrative is presented in I Samuel 19, I’ll try to draw out a few salient principles to “chew on” as you get ready to get back to the rough and tumble world you call your work week.
For starters, I’m drawn to David’s closest friend, Jonathan. What a guy. The son of the king, and the natural heir apparent, and yet he knew that David was the rightful king in waiting and he loved David like his own flesh. And for David’s part, he trusted Jonathan with his very life. Those types are precious, and remind me that when living among the wolves, its always beneficial to extend trust carefully. Rather than an army of acquaintances, most people benefit from a smaller circle of close friends, trusted intimates with whom they can bond and build relationships that will last a lifetime. These souls provide us perspective and support when the world seems to be crashing in all around us. Unfortunately, their tribe is too small. Extend the trust, but do so carefully.
Beyond this, when chased by the mob or a few, or even one, it is important to continue to serve faithfully. Years ago, during a particularly difficult time in my life, I felt alone, trapped, and defeated, and in that moment a dear friend and mentor encouraged me to press on, continue to serve faithfully, and go about my work consistently; when quite frankly, it would have been easier to quit, chalk it up to a bad experience and just move on. Living for the Lord in real time requires us to keep serving even when we’re hurting. In fact, David went back to the court of Saul, knowing that it was no longer to be a safe environment.
Next, live realistically. David was no martyr and neither should we be. When the time came for David to run he did. The time may come to defend ourselves and we must, if only to establish the the rightness of a life lived well and within the boundaries of Godliness. Missionaries associated with the failed Auca Indians in Ecuador carried pistols if it ever became necessary to defend themselves and these men and women began every day bathing their ministry in prayer, while they trusted God for every step. You must live realistically and recognize the dangers associated with living in largely secular world. I think it was General Washington who uttered,
Trust God and keep your powder dry…
Finally, learn the rare art of waiting patiently. It’s easy to admonish others while warm and dry and while I sit in the rather safe confines of Western Michigan, but wait patiently you must. The disciplines of meditation, intercessory prayer, solitude and the appreciation of time have fallen out of favor with much of the modern church, relegated to the scrap heap while Facebook, open email letters and tweet mania command the higher ground. And so it is when engaging those who hurt and seek your harm. Social media has made it much easier to respond quickly and with tactical advantage, but it has not made us happier or holier. In truth, waiting is hard, keeping our mouth shut and not retaliating is tough: it contradicts my nature and confounds my sense of how God should work. He needs me after all. 🙂 Waiting stands firmly against my right to rule over my life– to be the captain of my soul, and bids me to seek the face of The One who knows the best time, the best place, and exact set of circumstances where I can reach the goals and purposes for which I was born– in short where I can truly thrive.
I came upon this “proverb” from the internet… maybe it’s not all bad stuff…
Don’t react to toxic people. Not giving them a reaction when they desperately seek it, is far more powerful. (Author unknown)
Press on
MJC
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