The Wedding of my daughter, Michaela to Ryan Carlson

So, I have taken a few weeks off as of late to prepare for and participate in the wedding of our youngest child and to enjoy the experience of watching her begin a new life together with the man of her dreams. Below is the transcript of the wedding message delivered at the ceremony on July 7, 2018 in Allendale, Michigan.

The Wedding message: What I’m gaining and losing

The marriage bond is a sacred relationship before God and a testimony to his people of the purity of the bond and the longevity of the institution. No child lives in a vacuum. He or she is raised in an environment where parents, relatives, and church family all have a part in bringing that life to adulthood. Many of the friends gathered here today were your teachers growing up; they now share the moment as your friend. It is especially true in our family, where your siblings were at times as difficult to navigate as mom/ dad themselves. But now, you are an adult— only fitting that your siblings should graduate you by giving you an adult perspective on what they think is the best counsel on life, marriage and the pursuit of godliness. [Josh- Daniel]

You said that you wanted to hear from me— Ok, then,
3 epiphanies that have landed upon my mind…

1. The Relief of knowing that your spouse loves you unconditionally: It’s nice when you’re 21, even better when your balding, getting up at night multiple times to use the bathroom, and unsure of your mental state: Nothing short of grace— which is
   what Jesus Christ extended you both when he called you to Himself, and the same grace in which all believers stand.
2. The Realization that you will never turn him/ her into that exact replica of you. We spend years trying to transform that spouse into an exact copy of ourselves when we would do better by illuminating what Jesus looks like in us. I spent the first few years trying to reshape Debbie into my likeness, never realizing what God had been doing in her life was something that I really needed.
3. The Rapture of seeing life through the same window. What joy to discover that you really are most satisfied when you can spend your days with your best friend: It is here where:

We understand the value of compromise in achieving our wants

We are daily growing to better appreciate the value of prayer in our married life.

We have experienced the power of tag-team parenting: (comments)

We have consecrated ourselves to God and indissolubility of our bond by divorce— recognizing that infatuations can never enter into our airspace unchecked. “Come let us exalt the name of God together”, wrote the Psalmist.

And we committed ourselves very early to the church— to love Christ’s church, to engage God’s church, and to serve God’s church— both the church universal and the church building down the street—to be there often and to be there open-handed: I dare you to do the same. This is the model for the redemption of the world— Christ church: with structure, organization, and life.. The culture at hand has come to see it as one option among many— We have come to see it as the bastion of support— the stronghold in the wilderness of wanton despair. ( My father— as an unsaved man… the car)

And, we have come from parents who saw the value in family; even in my very small tribe, there was a singular cohesiveness— What a great thing when you can like your children as adults— that much better when they’ve grown up to love one another— even when they stick each other in the eye.

I know what I have in a daughter—

• A young woman who has sought to keep herself pure for the one man who would capture her mind.
• A perfectionist who has stretched to reach her academic and vocational goals.
• A passionate young woman whose desire is to please God with her life
• A determined Christian willing to change jobs to maintain a more worship centered life.
• And up to now, a daughter who would regularly call her dad…..

You’re not losing a daughter, but gaining a son, is what I hear over and over again. So what am I getting? Good question, so I called up Greg and Nancy to find out what the package included: Basically, “ The Mary Poppins of Son-in-laws: Practically Perfect in every way.”

Ryan, by your own parents word, you are a young man, loving and caring, and who reaches out to others

A transparent young man, passionate about his Christian life, his profession and willing to be held accountable for his walk with Christ. From your dad, a man “striving to please God in his whole being,” from your mom, “ a young man who seeks after God.”

In Ryan, I’m gaining a young man who was well raised at home by parents who loved him and desired him to walk in faith with Jesus Christ. Ryan, you are a man with high expectations for your profession, your walk with Christ, and your marriage. You has committed yourself in faith to ministry, and endured the challenges that leadership brings. You have valued our opinions, listened to our counsel, and treated our daughter with respect. You have manifested a desire to sustain her purity while you guard your own.

Mickie you have sought Christ in your life, determined early on what you wanted in a husband and God has answered your prayer.

Your brother Josh is most apt to call his mother first, Your brother Daniel either one of us, (maybe), but you are most apt to call me, and I will miss that closeness. While I’m convinced that both of my sons are better dads than I was, I’m equally convinced that your mother has imparted the best things of marriage and family. But it’s more than that. I’ve gained spouses for my boys that are women of integrity, women of grit, with an underlying support for my sons, but women of courage who can confront, but would rather, equally encourage, and sacrifice often for the success of their marriages and the glory of God. Son and daughter in laws, who love children, desire children and are determined to “buck” the system by bringing them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. My bucket list includes that table— Steenwyk’s know… it seats 20, based on my calculation, we can fit you and Ryan… can we put you down for 3 kids? We seek a family who loves, I want a family that works, and I’m blessed with a family that loves God.

Here is is where I asked my sons, each in their own words to speak to the strengths of their sister and the challenges facing her in married life.

And so, the ceremony continues. I charged them to their responsibilities as husband and wife, they shared their own vows about the sanctity and seriousness of their bond, they were enveloped by the prayers of their friends, and symbolized the joining of their relationship with rings each given and accompanied with a charge, and then, I pronounced them man and wife.

I declared their marriage a reality, and asked Ryan if he wished to kiss his bride. He did, and I announced the newly adorned Mr and Mrs. Ryan Carlson as a couple.

And then… it was done. Let the festivities begin.

MJC.