A prescription for a lonely Grampy

I just passed another milestone— one of my grandchildren’s birthday came and went with me watching from the sidelines of another state. I’ve begun to wonder if eventually they will remember my name— worse yet, I might not remember theirs.
I first became a grandparent in 2009. I don’t remember taking a course, which is my usual manner of progress throughout life. I never received a certificate of completion, no CPE credits, but one day— boom, I’m a grandparent. I’m Grampy. But this can’t be right— I’m still trying to correct the flaws that are so painfully evident as a husband, let alone those mistakes I made as a parent. As I recall, whatever training I received was mostly OJT; but with eleven years under my belt, I now offer some insight about what I’ve learned so far. Interesting enough, the man who has renovated our present home as well as our previous house is one of those textbook grandparents. He seems to embody so many of the qualities I saw in my own father yet failed to witness in any of my grandparents, either because of death or disqualification. But here he is, still holding down a job, still offering creative ideas, and still carving out time to attend basketball games, take the kids hunting and just hanging out to offer wise counsel as his grandkids mature.

So, in the absence of personal models to choose from, allow me to enroll you in the school of Joseph, whose life over the long haul seems to offer several key qualities that grandparents everywhere can embrace.

Among other traits, I see value in Joseph’s faithfulness. Think of it, hated by his brothers, sold into slavery, confined to prison for a crime he did not commit and left to languish incarcerated as a result of a fellow prisoner’s failing memory, it is encouraging to observe that through it all he remains faithful. No excuses, no wavering, and certainly with a great desire to see the light of day, Joseph yet remains faithful to his God and his responsibilities. We who are grandparents, need this counsel to remain faithful to our wife or husband, faithful to church and faithful to our families. Undoubtedly, we will face times when our grandkids, challenge authority or fail to demonstrate wisdom in their lives. The faithful grampy keeps loving them while never setting aside truth.

Which leads me to truth— Think of our own culture; it has largely abandoned the idea of absolute truth and given that reality, our grandkids see fewer and fewer examples of character in older folks who allow the absolute truth of God Word to flow over and through every decision and relationship they own. But Joseph is the disciplined truth-teller. He refuses to surrender the truth of God’s righteousness for a tumble with Potipher’s wife; refuses to lie to his fellow prisoners about the nature of their particular futures and is truthful about the challenges facing the nation of Egypt. The people of Egypt wanted to know the best path for survival. No politician would dare to offer that honest of evaluation of the situation or the difficult course of action facing them — but Joseph did. Grandparents must traffic in truth.

Thirdly, I love the tenderness on display in this man. As I nudge ever closer to the realm of the “elderly”, I find my emotions unpredictably residing at the surface, ready to be exploited at any moment. I’m the Grampy who cries often and openly. So much so, I’ve assumed the role of family crier, which is only somewhat better than the town crier. So be it, I guess, but I so appreciate the tenderness I see in Joseph. In the middle of several interactions with his brothers I watch his tears flow as he begins to observe their contrition (Genesis 42:21-24), and later as Joseph reveals his identity before his brothers 43:30; 45:2).

These are some of the tenderest moments in the entire Bible, and worthy of reflection as you measure your own vulnerability. Wow, what a moment.

This leads me finally to consider Joseph’s transparency and perspective. This is maybe the greatest win for grandparents if we can pull it off. Transparency is the ability to reflect clearly what we are feeling and perspective helps us make sense of the moment without losing sight of the bigger picture at work in the kingdom of God. Perspective allows us to see our difficulties as part of God’s contest, freeing is to concentrate on our own obedience to the expressed will of God in our lives.

It’s not always easy to view the distance separating my wife and I with the grandkids, as positive, nor may I always agree with everything my kids are doing in the rearing of these young lives. But our ability as grandparents to practice truth demonstrate transparency, and remain faithful to God offers us the opportunity to earn the right to be heard— to gain a hearing before those wonderful little people we know who will one day grow larger and wiser– and who will still want to visit us– We hope 🙂
MJC

Read More. In the process of reading through Jim Elliot’s journal, I came upon this entry–

What to Do:

Practice truth— Our grandkids need to see a balanced life loving truth, walking in it. 
Remain Transparent— Allowing my grandkids to see my joy and sorrow should also be part of my interactions with God. 
Learn perspective— Resting on the bigger picture is always harder in a world conditioned for the moment
MJC